dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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