Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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