i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
This is the high leading the old right now
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My ass is underappreciated
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
