she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
