I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
