i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
