eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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