I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
