I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
