why didn't you poke me back
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
