if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
