So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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