I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
