We won't sleep together?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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