Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
