I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
