I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
