Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
