i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
