Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
