youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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