And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
