morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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