hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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