I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
