But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
