hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
