Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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