My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
