8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
