Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
