I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
