Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
