I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
