I hate all girls vehemently.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
