I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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