EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
