My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
