suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
