can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Did I show you my penis last night?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
