dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
