...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
