Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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