I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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