Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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