I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
