like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
