Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
