dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
