Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
