Whod you bang
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
