what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
