i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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