Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
