I must be too annoying 4 u.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
