He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
