the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
