My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
