A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
